Disappointing Dark Tower Movie

Wife and I went to see the Dark Tower movie.


Le-sigh. I really hate to bag on it, but I can’t honestly say it was a fantastic movie.

I suppose some context is in order.

First: I LOVE the book series. It ranks up there as one of my top epic fantasies ever written. The characters are so deep and involved, conflicted and nuanced. The epic plot is sweeping and grandiose with a rich backstory that permeates the entire storyline. The world is bitter and sad, with ties to our world.

It’s near-perfection.

Except the ending. The ending pissed me off, but the author does warn me at the end that if I don’t want to, I don’t have to turn the page. I turned it, and I was pissed.

But this movie supposedly takes place after the end of the book series. Most of the characters that made this tale so grand aren’t there. We really only get Roland and Jake.

Sure there are a few nods to the series, like talking animals (I’ll miss you Ake), honorifics like ‘thanke sai’ and what not, but it’s set in the modern world. I’m sorry, but you just can’t go buy ammo in NYC like they did in the movie. 80’s? Sure. Back when NYC was cool and stuff. Back when this story actually took place.

The father/son dynamic just wasn’t there. Jake didn’t kill anyone with a gun, which I consider to be an absolute atrocity for the story. If he’s going to be a gunslinger, he should have fucking killed someone with a gun. I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out why he didn’t use a gun in the movie (other than target practice, which, again, would have NEVER taken place in modern NYC) and the only conclusion I can come to was them wanting to avoid Jake doing the actual deed and pissing off a bunch of people.

If PC culture ruined this glorious movie for me, I’m going to be pissed.

The worst part is it’s not Roland’s movie, but Jake. Jake’s the MC and didn’t actually win the fight. Roland did. That means the hero was not heroic in the end, and that just means it was a badly-plotted movie.

With so much depth to the franchise, it’s sad that they didn’t pick any of a hundred amazing plot lines to focus on, instead they tried to cram in some sky-beam into another tired SCI-FI plot line. This was practically another Thor or Marvel plot, and ultimately, trying to copy the MTU was what made this movie fail.

Shame on everyone involved in this film. Now excuse me while I try to cleanse it from my mind by reading the books again. Now where did I leave those tissues?

Till tomorrow,


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